Emotions and Hope

Emotions are very strong.  They like to creep up on me when least expected and make the crying start.  Doug just looking at me a certain way to set me off.  Emma asking if I will help her start her own dance studio when she grows up makes me turn my head so she won't see the tears.  Even though she thinks I cry all the time anyways.  If someone already knows what is going on I can say certain things without crying now. 

I received a copy of my temporary pathology report in the mail last week.  I didn't open it right away because it came on my 37th birthday.  A birthday which was hard enough without a bunch of medical stuff thrown in. 

I am hopeful after seeing the report.  Hopeful that this was caught early enough to have a high rate of survival.  Hopeful that my MRI tomorrow doesn't show any spread of this horrible disease.  Hopeful that my doctor's appointments go well and we get a plan of attack.

I am also nervous.  What if the cancer has already spread throughout my body.  I guess if it has I will cry and then buckle down for a fight.  A fight not to leave my family too early.  Doug and I are supposed to be one of those old couples you see rocking in their rocking chairs on the porch.  I have to see if Emma really will hate my wedding gown that I saved her when it comes time for her to get married.

Many, many more life experiences are waiting for me, first my fight, then my new life.